To be remembered.

We all want to be remembered. And I am no exception to this. On the contrary, I have this feeling more than the 'normal'. I remember a friend telling me, "I don't know for what, but you have this deep desire to prove yourself." When I first heard it, I couldn't digest it. But as I filtered thoughts and went deep inside myself, I realized how true that was. And I knew the 'why' too. I just couldn't (and still haven't) get over it (reason). 

All my life, I have craved for love. I read (so many times, over and over) that the craving for love ceases in giving (and not receiving/begging). Somehow, the more I have tried (giving, in all truth and honesty), I have found, in the end, craving for all the more. I am yet to be sure if the craving is still in back of my mind while giving. But whatever it is, the thirst never quenches. 

Right now, I am right next to the person I love most (and who loves me most, equally). Yet, the craving hasn't ceased. Sometimes, I wonder if it's all in my mind; if this emptiness is just in my thoughts? I don't know.

But I do know the 'why'. It's because of the simple fact of us humans - to be remembered. I vividly remember a lot of (unpleasant) episodes of my childhood and adolescence – years when I desperately wanted to be acknowledged, valued, and loved (for what I was). Right from the time when I have understood the meaning of 'life' (which keeps changing, by the way), I always wanted to touch a person's life, to leave that indelible mark. Maybe I would have, over the years, the voice inside me tells me that, in a manner I am yet to comprehend. But the mind just refuses to accept. 

Never in my life have I actually achieved or got what I really wanted. Maybe my time wasn't right or maybe my efforts weren't of the level required or maybe due to wavering wishes. I couldn't figure why, on that part. Somehow, by touching (changing/transforming) anther life, I want to beat that incompleteness. I know this isn't right, but that is how it is. I won't deny it. 

And now, as I see my love peacefully strolling in dreams, my mind wonders if he is 'the' one whom I have actually touched in a way no one hasn't? Is he the same man who couldn't sleep at nights as the things he have been through tormented him during darkness, which turned him in to an insomniac? I have touched him in a way probably no one ever has, for, I love him in all honesty (no, not 100%, that minus 0.1% remains :P), and he has touched me in a way no man has ever. 

Maybe, my innate desire to leave a legacy, to be remembered, is meant for him?